Morike pontificates on her ability to predict stories

It is my week to post. This paragraph is just to announce that I, Morike, am writing this week’s essay. And, as an introduction, it is to introduce you to the nature of the rest of this essay. First, I shall brag about my ability to predict a story citing a few instances. Second, I will tell you the main reason I was annoyed with The Dark Knight Rises. Then, I shall rant my anger for a bit before my concluding remarks. And there is your introduction, all laid out and predictable and stuff.

You see, I have this nasty habit of trying to predict all the plot twists in movies. I have no idea when it started, but it was probably sometime in high school. The majority of these predictions are based on tropes and execution of details. For instance, in Buffy the Vampire Slayer, during her first semester of college, the moment Iowa-boy had a pile of books land on his head, I called out “Potential love interest!” My roommate was all surprised, saying “Damn, that was accurate.” Adorable romance ensues (until the season finale. But let us not speak of such things because it is off-topic).

Anyway, I predict stories.

Recently, I read City of Bones by Cassandra Clare because I have a paperback copy (because it was only $1 at a book sale last year). I started writing down my predictions for everything because the first fifty pages or so was Really Obvious Foreshadowing. However (spoiler alert), I predicted that Luke was BOTH a Shadowhunter AND a member of the Downworld. BOTH PEOPLE! I TOTALLY CALLED IT! MY PRIDE KNOWS NO BOUNDARIES!!!


Cue, The Dark Knight Rises. In which the plot twist sits directly in front of my face and it still surprised the hell out of me. I mean, seriously! They referenced Raz al’Ghul and everything! The kid looked really feminine for a boy! She’s played by Marion Cotillard! (I associate her with bad guys in Nolan films. Or bad guys in films in general. I recognize this is not the case. But I digress).

The point is, I did not see that plot twist coming. Both the plot twist and the fact that it surprised me bug me. This is not supposed to happen. I am the prediction-ator! I predict things–nothing is supposed to surprise me.

And I wanna say it’s because I really wanted Marion Cotillard to be a good guy. I believed it that strongly. I believe you to be a good person, Marion! (I also like your accent. Parlez francais avec moi, s’il vous plait. You can correct my shoddy grammar and everything).

And so this essay went exactly how I said it would go in my introduction. Which I can honestly say is better than what typically happens at work. But yes.

Final closing anecdote: I have learned (the hard way) that I can also read Basil’s facial expressions. For instance, if ever I ask about any type of spoiler in any type of story in any type of medium, just one second later, I know exactly how that story is going down. No ifs, ands, or buts about it; I stopped telling Basil my predictions for things I’m behind on. It’s a sad truth.


One response to “Morike pontificates on her ability to predict stories

  1. I have no control over my face muscles. They make expressions against my will.

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